A Selfish Confession

I have felt extremely selfish lately.

I was sharing with a friend of mine that because of the season that I am in and coming out of that I feel like I am taking (x100) from the people around me. For almost a year, I have sought out those that I am closest to, seeking their comfort, encouragement, sanity checks, life, wisdom, and love. In all honesty, I don't know how I would have gotten through this journey without each of them. It has been a wild ride, but knowing that at every turn someone would be there to to keep journeying with me was the strongest source of hope and motivation to keep going.

My friend graciously offered that those things have completely been reciprocated from myself back to them. That is hard to believe, knowing the lack of energy and excitement I have had; knowing that I have done much more of the talking and processing; knowing that safe community has never felt more necessary than right now. However, it was a very gracious thought.

Here's the thing, I am not the only going through whirlwind stuff right now.

My friend Christina (affectionately known as "Mia") told me yesterday, "This whole season is just so weird. This whole life thing is just so weird. Ugh."

Yes. Yes, it is.

And since I am not the only one going through things, and since I feel extremely selfish lately, I leave you with a note of gratitude, a small offering of moving toward selflessness once more. Hoping and needing to care for more than my small little world, remembering that life must be knowingly reciprocated.

Dear Friends,

Thank you. You have reminded me that life can still be lived in the midst of excruciating pain, both physical and emotional. You have shown me how to never give up, even when the rug is completely swept out from underneath you. You have stayed close, asking hard questions, engaging in and carrying my burdens with no hesitation, with no limit. You have pointed me to truth, to what is beautiful in the world, to hope. You have allowed me to be fully myself, the brokenness, the questioning, the struggling, and then kept believing in me.

I see in you, who I want to be.

So I set my aim high. To love people, to taste life, to shed the cloak of me, and awaken the heart of we. To forgive and to feel, to choose humility and service over self-promotion and affirmation. Also, to say, "no" and to care for myself, especially when not doing so could bring harm to those around me. To operate out of my true self, of who I have been created to be, rejecting the lies of perfectionism and acknowledging my woundedness, yet choosing to continue growing.

I see in you, glimpses of the Kingdom to come.

And I pray, that hand in hand we carry on, for you, for me, and especially for a world in need of experiencing the transformation of community at the table.

With all of my love and gratitude,

Lindsey

Camping at the Kern River

The last weekend of March TJ and I headed up to the Sequoia National Forest to camp along the Kern River with some friends of ours. Most of the time these kinds of adventures happen with old friends from various seasons of life, or as an organized group outing, or because of regularly being the North Face, Patagonia clad outdoorsy types.

This was none of the above.

Our excursion was with some of our old and current baristas at Peet's Coffee, who have become dear friends of ours, and a couple of their friends. The idea of camping had been thrown around for awhile, and although TJ and I had anticipated being the ones to plan it...eventually...hopefully...we hadn't and they did.

A few of us that went have camped quite a bit. For the others, it was a highly anticipated event, complete with a Facebook invite page that was updated on the daily. This wasn't going to be any old camping trip, this was going to be an outdoor adventure for the history books.

And it was.

But not because we got in bear fights or caught fish with our hands or peaked a mountain or lived off of one can of beans and two squares of toilet paper the whole time. It is going down in the history books because it was simple and beautiful and based on cultivating relationships and memories...organically.

Things that some of us had done many times before, were new and exciting for others. This was a reminder that even the smallest things from a different perspective can again be filled with wonder. Building campfires, creating a rain shelter, making dinner over a flame, perhaps even peeing in the bushes.

Things that some of us had done many times before, with a new group of people became an opportunity to encourage one another, lend a helping hand, look out and care for the others. It was team building of sorts, but with no purpose other than being aware of the risks we were taking and desiring to help one another along.

We might have been the last group of people that someone would have put together, but we all found a bond through getting out of our comfort zones and daily routine to greet the outdoors, and I am really happy we did.

I thought it before, but am convinced of it now: Coffee brings people together.